I spent a lot of time looking for a fundamental truth, an all-encompassing reality that would sum up the “essence of life”. The conviction that this mantra exists comes and goes- it comes when the prospect of me failing an exam looms dead-ahead and goes when I have the leisure of watching my TV shows, blissfully ignorant of all worlds that aren’t within my 13 inch LCD screen.
The only thing I’ve come up with that’s even close to being appropriate- constant change, but that just doesn’t sound right does it? A profound truth needs to seem profound, profoundly worded, profoundly contrite in it’s ability to knock you on your ass and profoundly bold in it’s ability to lurk around you just out of sight, profoundly adept at playing hide and seek and profoundly capable of luring you in the wrong direction.
I wasn’t looking for anything, I hate searching. It’s a waste of time and more often than not by the time you find what you’re looking for, you’ll realize you no longer need it. And if(it is a very big if) you do find it in time, the only difference will be that the next time you lose it, you’ll feel stupider for having lost it once again. I’ve made an odd transition from a metaphorical search to a quest for an actual physical object. Mostly because every time I have to wonder if it would be easier if it weren’t words I was looking for, if it were a lamp or a place or even a pair of traveling pants. They’d be easier to find, they’d give me the answers I’m looking for. The same answers I’ve always wanted, just a sign that I’m going in the right direction, because it sure doesn’t feel like it.